“She leave her hair in the sink
She leave her hair on the floor
Her hair all over the bed, that make me love her more” — lyrics from “All the Way Gone” by rapper The Game
Well, my hair sheds like crazy, so The Game would just love me I’m sure. While the song is over a year old, I listened to it just the other night and it got me thinking. Thinking about how men react to women’s hair and about the conversations that inevitably come up about it. The Game is far from the first, or last, rapper to pontificate on hair. In fact, most mainstream rappers probably have at some point. There are so many ways hair comes up in hip hop and rap lyrics. Maybe a rapper is talking about sweating that fresh relaxer out. Maybe he likes pulling on weave. Or maybe he’d prefer a woman with real hair. Maybe he longs for the days of box braids and door knocker earrings. Maybe he’s not yet comfortable with your hair products in his bathroom. No matter the scenario, it has probably made its way into a rap song.
Not for nothing either. At some point, hair comes up. Black men know black women put a lot of time, money, and love into their hair. So it is coming up. You want them to say it looks good, and so they will. You want the relationship to get to the point where you’re chilling in his crib on Saturday morning with your head scarf on. Ladies, do not trip, I’ve had that dream too. I’ll admit it. Who hasn’t?
Most men will say that they don’t really care how women wear their hair, so long as it looks good. And usually that is the truth. Your man doesn’t care if you’re using Ms. Jessie’s or Carol’s Daughter, and most likely does not care if you’re natural or relaxed. However, there will still be words spoken about your hair eventually. And oh yeah, if you have a bad haircut, he’s telling you that too. Let me break down some of these conversations for you. Please note, all I have is personal experience and stories from friends to go on, so you may have different hair conversation stories.
The “Over being cute” hair conversation: We all do it. We all sleep with our hair down in the beginning of a relationship. And then, one day, it hits both parties that the relationship is past the impressing each other stage and therefore the scarf can go on. Oh yeah girl, you’re take it to the next level. Heck, at this point dude is using your black soap and your curly pudding has infiltrated his sink counter space. Whether you are 24 or 40 you may have some reservations about the hair wrapping and scarf wearing. And what if you’re in an interracial relationship for the first time? Yeah, most likely that dude’s mama was not rocking a head scarf. While there may be some awkwardness, if you do not start wrapping your hair, a black man will eventually ask you about it. Here’s how that will go:
Him: Aren’t you going to wrap your hair?
You: Umm, sure.
Him: Girl, stop trying to be cute and wrap your hair.
So yeah, better to just wrap that hair up, then to be called out on trying to be cute.
The “I’ve been out of town and missed you” hair conversation:
This might be my favorite hair conversation. I mean, I missed my baby right? And you know my hair is fresh for his return. From the time he steps in the house he’s infatuated with it. I’m telling you, I’m feeling good over here ladies! Here’s how this is likely to go:
Him: Your hair looks nice. Is it longer?
You: No. You are acting like you have never seen my hair before! (flirty laugh)
Him: It is so soft. (rubbing hands through)
That’s it. All the way gone. Turn the lights out.
The “Oh…you got braids” conversation:
If you don’t normally wear braids, they blow men’s minds when y ou periodically get them. Usually they have no problem with them, but if you’re like me, you look like a different person. So the conversation goes like this:
Him: Wow, you look … different.
You: I like them!
Him: No, they look good, it is just really different.
The “My girl is natural” conversation:
If you’re natural, your man will bring it up. Mostly in front of other couples. He supports your naturalness. Likes your curls and coils. He wants the world to know how he loves your liberation from the relaxer. If he’s down with that, he’s also down with your other causes – whether they be feeding the homeless, breast cancer awareness, or revoking the death penalty. He’s ride or die and he wants dude looking at you crazy from across the room to know it. Hence the sudden need to talk about your natural hair regimen and other accomplishments in life in a loud voice to the other couple across the table.
The “Good hair” conversation:
If you have what your great grandma defined as “good hair,” you’ve probably had this conversation. If not, you probably are not as familiar with it. First off, this is not a conversation, it is something he’ll throw into an argument. Usually it comes up when you want something that he does not agree with. And then you are a being a brat, why? Because you have “good hair” of course. Umm, say what? For real, I’ve had conversations go like this:
Him: You are such a brat. You think you can get whatever you want just because you light-skinned with good hair.
You: Umm, what? That is the craziest thing ever.
Him: No, I am sure some dudes did whatever you want just because of that.
You: Maybe Thomas Jefferson…but not men in 2012.
So there you have it, just a few of the conversations and exchanges about hair you may experience in life.